Online Dating: Tips for the Ladies

I’ve been single for a while now. Off and on over the past year I have visited a couple of online dating sites. I’ve met some rather interesting ladies on these sites, but I’ve also had the displeasure of talking to several not-so-interesting ladies as well. After sifting through what seems to be an endless supply of online profiles, I have come up with some astounding and enlightening observations!

Now, with all of this said, I don’t claim to be an expert on online dating or relationships for that matter. But the Danish scientist, Niels Bohr, did say one time that an expert is “A person that has made every possible mistake within his or her field.” I’ve admittedly made a lot of mistakes in this field. So I believe that gives me some weight here. What I’m willing to do for you, ladies, is help you out with some tips that will get you better results and waste less time for everyone involved.

Tell the Truth.
It seems pretty straightforward and almost a no-brainer; but if you’d tell the truth from the very beginning, things would be SO much easier for everyone. For instance:

  1. We know not all of you enjoy the exact same things we do. It’s only going to come out later and cause a big fight when you don’t really like to go camping or partake in any other activity you’ve claimed to enjoy. Like watching football for instance. You claim to like doing that, but when a guy invites his bros over, it’s all of a sudden an issue. Don’t be her. Just be honest.
  2. You’re not really all that laid back. In reality you’re probably far more uptight than you think. Own it. Just be honest.

You get out what you put in.
This is something else that seems like it would be widely known, but unfortunately it is not.

Allow me to elaborate. Here is an excerpt from “Ashley’s” profile:

If you’re going to send me a message that says “hi beautiful” or “sup” don’t bother wasting my time or yours. Your message will just be deleted and I’ll move onto the next one.

A few minutes after reading “Ashley’s” profile, she notices that I checked out her profile. She then looks at mine and sends me a message that says “Hi”. “Ashley” is likely to get a response back from me that is similar. Something like, “Hello.” Now, if a girl puts in the effort and actually reads my profile, and as part of her message to me I can see that she has read it, I will put forth more effort in my reply back to her. It’s tough to tell exactly how interesting she is if all she is going to give you is one or two words to go on. But a woman who writes something substantial, now there’s something I can work with! Conversations quickly die if there’s not much to them. My profile has enough information in it to keep the conversation flowing for at least a few hours. But I cannot hold a conversation alone. There has to be some back and forth; some give and some take.

Be specific.
This part is going to be tough for those of you who aren’t sure what it is that you’re looking for exactly. But if you’re spending some time on an online dating site, put forth a little effort and think about the qualities you like in a man. List those qualities. Men love reading lists, it makes it easy for us to comprehend. We look at it like a checklist of sorts and if we meet enough of those items, we’ll be more likely to send you a message. This will also help you weed out the guys who obviously know they don’t meet what it is you’re looking for.

Be unique.
If every girl out there loves sports, camping, fishing, getting dirty, etc. and is laid back; how are you going to stand out to a potential suitor? Don’t rely solely on your photos; which is another topic we’ll get to later. Tell the fellas, specifically, what makes you different from every other girl on the dating site. I wouldn’t consider liking a certain type of music as being unique either. Everyone enjoys music – use something else.

Photos.
So you’ve got at least one photo on your account, right? This is where 90% of guys will decide whether or not to even look at your profile – why not make it count? I know for me personally, I have to be attracted to someone. That’s just part of the equation. If you say you don’t have to be attracted to someone physically to be involved in a romantic relationship with them, then you’re lying to yourself. Either that or you’re intoxicated. For the purposes of this entry, we’ll assume you’re not intoxicated. Anyway, back to the pictures. You want to make them count. Don’t do the duck face pose. It looks stupid. Nobody looks attractive when they’re doing it. Include pictures that actually represent YOU well. I’ve seen some rather unflattering pictures of people posted on dating sites and I wonder what the people were thinking when they posted them. I’ll say one last thing about photos; they should be current. Anything older than a year old shouldn’t be used to represent you.

Et Cetera.
Just a few side notes that didn’t really fit under any other category.

  • Don’t use all capital letters. This is generally considered YELLING while online.
  • Please use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Failure to do so will just make you look lazy. If you’re not willing to put forth the effort for a profile, would you put forth the effort in a relationship?
  • If you’re currently in a relationship; you really should NOT be on a dating website. It’s just disrespectful.
  • We realize you’re probably a scorn woman, but don’t be so negative. Keep the mood of your profile positive and you’ll attract more positive people.

I think that’s about it for now. I might revisit this topic again later, if/when I come across any more points that I think need to be addressed. In the meantime, if you have any specific questions about how to make your online dating profile better, feel free to post them in the comments here. I’ll give it a quick once over and offer you some constructive criticism. Or you can fill out the ol’ John Shue contact form and it’ll email me instantly!

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About John Shue

Just a normal guy in pursuit of happiness.
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12 Responses to Online Dating: Tips for the Ladies

  1. Jess says:

    Whenever I find myself wishing I was single, I read something about online dating and take it back. It’s hard to be single these days. I think online dating can work if people are, like you suggest, honest from the start and have realistic expectations. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

    • John Shue says:

      Funny you should put it like that. Whenever I find myself wishing I was married again, I take a look at some of my married friends and wonder why I’m even a member of an online dating site. Lol! I’m finally at a point where I’m ok with being single. There are advantages and disadvantages to both sides. Flying solo provides me enough time to do some introspective thinking. But then again, sharing life’s experiences with someone else is one thing I truly miss. I guess that’s why I’ve turned to blogging so much; especially here lately. So I can share my life’s experiences with others. 🙂

  2. 4 years of being single :: I have yet to attempt online dating. I can’t manage face to face dating! What you just posted, are specific reasons why you probably won’t see me on the online dating websites. 🙂

  3. racheve says:

    Ha, I went on a date at the weekend, the following day I deleted my online profile…. I would honestly rather be single than online date. I will meet some in the real world I am sure if I exert as much effort to everyday life as I did to online dating. I love your pointers though and they ring very true on the reverse as well, so I hope you take your own advice!!

    Good luck on your continued search 🙂

    • John Shue says:

      Thanks for reading and for the comment! I absolutely take my own advice for the online dating world. Lots of people include very little on their profiles and I’m always seeing, “Ask me if you want to know more.” Why not include more from the very beginning? Then we can decide if it’s worth the effort from the start. I think it would be great if they had a field where an individual could list their blog address! You can learn a lot about a person from the words they write. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Online Dating: Tips for the Ladies | Chronicles of Shue | Affair In Love

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