As some of you already know, my life has been like a crazy roller coaster ride, especially here lately. I’m going to go ahead and use that as the excuse as to why in the month of July, you see absolutely, positively, not one single post from me. Things were so confusing as far as my relationship goes that I didn’t know what the next day was going to bring. July was definitely full of ups and downs. One week things would be great, and the next week, not so much. The month ended on one of those down swings. That’s about the point where I finally said “I’ve had enough of this roller coaster, I’m getting off of here.”
The beginning of August wasn’t really any better than the end of July. That is until I finally decided to actually do something about it. I was tired of hurting SO much on the inside that I had to do something to change that. While thinking of things that I could do to take my mind off of the given situation, I came up with a number of ideas. One idea was to get a second job to fill my off days from my main job. While that option could kill two birds with one stone (filling my time and providing extra income) I just thought there had to be a better way to get my mind off of things. The next thing that came to mind was to go back to school. Obviously you can’t just show up to a college and say “Hey, I want to start taking classes right now.” So I did what I could do, and signed up for classes online. I’m still waiting for all of that to go through.
Still thinking of things to occupy my time, I decided to kick up my workouts a notch or two. Instead of lying on the couch all morning, afternoon and night, I went to the local YMCA and started running more. This past Friday I went to the Y and decided that I was going to push myself harder than I had ever pushed myself before. My thinking was, “If I hurt more on the outside, it will take the focus off of the hurt I’m feeling on the inside.” After that run, I was so sore and tired that I went home, barely made it up the stairs, showered and passed out. My plan had worked. Working out had actually taken my mind off of the craziness that I’d been calling “life.”
Saturday morning rolled around and I woke up feeling refreshed, a little sore, but refreshed nonetheless. I was hoping to watch some Saturday morning cartoons, but I remembered that I don’t have television and they don’t even have Saturday morning cartoons anymore. So I had some breakfast and sat in silence instead. After breakfast I decided it was in my best interest to go back to bed; to let my muscles recover some more from the previous day’s run. After I woke back up Saturday afternoon, with things once again weighing on my mind, I decided to see if the running thing would work as well the second time around. A trip to the Y was definitely in my very near future. Still feeling sore from Friday’s run, I wasn’t sure how hard I was going to be able to push myself. But low and behold, I dug down deep and pushed even harder. It. Felt. Great!
That brings us to Sunday. I decided I was going to take it somewhat easy on Sunday. It is, after all, the day the Lord set aside for us to rest. I lounged around the Shue Ranch most of the day Sunday, being quite successful with my resting goals. Unfortunately though, sitting around like that, made me start to think about things again. Knowing that I didn’t want to erase any progress I had made, I decided that I was going to break out my bicycle. It had been sitting in the garage collecting dust for long enough. I pulled it out of it’s spot, brushed some of the dust off, aired up the tires and rode it down the street. I had made up my mind that I was going to ride my bike to Thorntown from Lebanon, via the Farm Heritage Rail Trail!
I had been listening to music on the way to the trail from my house. Once I got to the trail though, I decided to turn the music off and just listen to what nature had to offer. It was around 6:00pm when I started riding on the trail. The sun was down just enough to allow the trees on either side of the trail to provide a nice shade on it. Just because it was mostly shaded though, does NOT mean it was any less humid. I began sweating the moment I left my house! My shirt was already drenched in sweat at this point, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from finishing what I had set out to do.
While riding down the trail, all alone, listening to nature, my mind began to do what it does best – wander. I started thinking about everything that had taken place lately. Thinking about what’s next for me, where do I go from here, what about this, what about that. I was about three, maybe four, miles into my ride when this sense of clarity came over me. I got a chill down my spine and all of a sudden I started to see everything so clearly. I wasn’t sure if it was the beginning stages of dehydration, or some kind of divine intervention in my thought process, but everything I had just been questioning seemed to not matter anymore. It was the clearest my head had been for quite some time. It was almost like that quiet ride alone is what I needed in order to hear what He had been trying to tell me all along. The feeling of being at peace was just…ineffable! You know that sound a mother makes in her baby’s ear when she’s trying to soothe the baby? The quiet “shhhhhh” sound? The wind, as it was flowing over my ears, was making that sound. It was like He was soothing me. Letting me know that everything was still going according to His plan and regardless of what is happening right now, everything is going to be just fine.
The rest of my ride was amazing. It was an hour and a half of prayer. Just open communication between me and the Big Guy. Even though it was Sunday, I didn’t have to be in a church or even at home at my bedside on my knees to talk to God. He knew that I needed some one-on-one time, so he set everything up to make that happen. I’ve always been one who says everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it’s just hard to see what that reason is, especially if things aren’t going the way you want them to. The thing to remember is; slow down, take the time to hear what He’s trying to tell you. Listen to the whispers!